OK, So Now What?

Thoughts on Blogging

About a month ago, Lorelle on Wordpress did a post on Cancer Blogs and Blogging.


I discovered this post because my blog was listed, so that was kind of cool. Considering that Lorelle is not a "cancer blogger" she sure did manage to hit on one of the fundamental aspects of blogging about cancer. She writes: "If the disease ends, should the blogger keep blogging about being a 'victim' or 'patient'? Shouldn’t their blogging move on as their life has? What happens to the blog?"

It's a conundrum that so many of us face as we move further out from active treatment. Some of my favorite bloggers have all but stopped updating their blogs. I guess that's good - they're off living their post-cancer lives, right? But without any updates, I'm left to wonder how they are doing.

I know other cancer bloggers who have kept up their cancer blog but started another blog, too. I've thought about doing this (and I still might). But am I up for maintaining two blogs?

So I find myself at a bit of a blogging crossroads. I do still have plenty to say about breast cancer on this blog. Creative breast cancer projects come to my attention all the time, and I want to blog about them. Cancer continues to influence my own creative efforts, and I want to blog about that too.

Bad News

I am so so so so sorry to report that I have something sinister weighing on my mind again. On Wednesday, I found a little, hard lump right near my port-a-cath scar. It's tiny. Like smaller than a B-B. It could be scar tissue, but that scar is almost two years old. How likely is it that this would occur now? It hurts. If I push on it in a certain way, the pain is sharp. Almost like this little bump has a shard on it. I think that it would be unusual for a tumor to present pain in this manner.

It's not even on my cancer side. But... certainly there are lymph nodes in the area. It's just an inch or so below the collarbone. Maybe, despite a bilateral mastectomy, it is a new primary tumor. They can't get all of that breast tissue out, you know.

I had something happen to me a couple of weeks ago. It was related to the bleeding colon polyp that I dealt with last year. I had a few dark days. I had to go in for a test. The test came out fine. I didn't even write about it. I hardly even told any of my IRL (in real life) friends. Just didn't feel like dealing with it.

I had a pretty good run of it this past year. I've been able to play, work, travel. I've had days when cancer didn't even cross my mind.

Now?

Can't concentrate. Can't cope. Can't breathe. Appointment with breast surgeon on Monday.