Sometimes I wonder how I come across to people as far as this whole cancer thing goes. I had a fellow survivor tell me recently that I seem stoic about my experience.
Of course, seeming stoic and being stoic are two different things.
My emotional breakdowns occur privately; on the phone with a close friend (the conversation usually begins with "OK I'm having a moment"), in a doctor's office, while I'm walking, or in one-on-one conversation with my immediate family members.
But, yeah, I can talk about my cancer and my experience without breaking down. Probably just because I've blah blah blahed about it on the radio, on the blog, etc. I have practice.
I do struggle with the question "How are you?" I haven't found a consistent answer yet:
"So far so good."
"I feel fine."
"Prognosis is excellent but there is no cure, you know."
"I appear to be cancer free."
To me, it is quite the paradox that I've let my fears and emotional ups and downs show more here - on this very public place!- than in daily conversation. But at this point if I'm out socializing or at a meeting, my cancer is old news (please God let it stay that way).
And if I'm working on a breast cancer project I'm usually focused on helping somebody else realize that they too will get through the nightmare.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
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1 comments:
Hey Jayne, so good to see you yesterday and thanks for the update. I truly appreciate all of your support for our families issues and I hope you know how proud I am of you. You have had to make some tough decisions and that is no easy task. I understand your need for like to be somewhat normal. It is easier to have moments of sadness(or breakdowns) vs. sadness all of the time. We still have to find joy in life.
I saw your house last night on my way to a x-mas party and the trees look great. Much love. shelly
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